More to life.

16Aug09

Later this week I’m starting a class at one of the five churches I can’t commit to. It’ll be a seven dollar investment in “finding and feeding what my soul is hungry for”.

One of the reasons I’m so non-committal to everything is the fact that I’m so discontent with my life. I’ll never be ready to commit to anything until I’m content with the circumstances surrounding it.

There is more to life than I know. And I don’t know how to experience it. But I know it’s there, so I get really frustrated with my inability to grasp on to it.

So needless to say, I have high expectations for this class. I hope it’s not lame.

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Six months later…

08Jul09

Six months later, I blog again.

I don’t know what I’ll write about yet. But I should write. I stopped writing because Twitter became the outlet of my subconscious in the more vague manner that I sometimes prefer. And I had a need for real life friend-communication; not introspective self-communication.

Six months ago, I wrote about discontentment. Six months later, I don’t think I’m any less discontent. That probably isn’t a good thing.

Nothing has changed in six months. I’m not a better person; I’m probably a worse person.

All I’ve done the past six months is work. I hide under the guise that “I have to”, that “it will all pay off sooner or later”, that “it’s what I’m supposed to be doing with my life”, that “I love it”, etc. And that all might be true to an extent, but the real truth is that I don’t know how to have balance. I can’t remember what it is to have balance. I don’t have any conception of what balance means and what life should really be like. I don’t know how to have a best friend, how to engage in social/non-intellectual conversation.

For the past six years, I’ve focused only on the things in my life which I can control and that directly influence my professional and intellectual goals. Like absorbing information. Like non-fiction. And in doing so, I’ve also eliminated things from my life that contribute to or affect emotion and things I can’t control. Like music. Like relationships with people.

It’s totally screwed up. I want it all to change, but I have no idea where to begin.

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Meet some of my co-workers.

23Jan09

Normally I hate these things. So when a co-worker created this, I figured I’d watch it for it’s own sake, but I definitely wouldn’t laugh. But then when I did watch it, I did laugh. So then I figured I’d share it with you all.

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Snail mail. For me even moreso snaily.

15Jan09

So my dentist will finally get paid. I finally made it to a mailbox. It’s so funny, it took me three months to buy stamps, and another week to remember to mail the check once I put the stamp on the envelope. I don’t know where my outgoing mailbox is at my apartment. I don’t ever remember to give mail to the people who mail things at work. And there’s a post office on my general way home, but I can’t remember where it’s at. But tonight I finally managed to mail my dentist his check, at a different post office. It’s a good thing there wasn’t a due date.

I also finally mailed a questionnaire to the IU School of Education, who wanted to know about the status of my teaching career. That was requested last August. I filled it out in October, sealed the envelope, but had no stamp. Today I finally mailed it. I hope they still care about the status of my teaching career 6 months later.

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Church stuff.

11Jan09

Super-excited I am, because today I went to “learn all about all the groups at St. Luke’s” day with two destinations in mind. 1: Young adults activities, and 2: The orchestra.

Sidenote: One guy started talking to me about activities for people in their 30s-40s (do I really look 35?), and another lady asked me what grade I was in (do I really look 17?)

Anyway, the second I told the orchestra lady I played French horn, she got pumped because I guess they need one. I told her that I’d never taken lessons, but that I was the soloist for IYO once; that I hadn’t played in a while, but I have 8-9 years of experience and I miss it and love it and am looking for a group exactly like this to play in. The next practice is Feb 12, so that’s where I’ll be. She even gave me music to practice

• Perk: I’ll get to play alongside 2 exceptional horn performers, at least one of which is affiliated with the ISO.
• Perk: It’s only once a month. Perfect for my level of commitment-ability.
• Perk: They’re really good. I feel really honored. I hope I don’t screw up.
• Perk: Music friends.

Per the young adult activities, I’m most looking forward to Saturday mornings hiking at Eagle Creek, and maybe volleyball nights.

Next week is Life Group launch day at Northview, which I plan to attend. So I’ll see how that goes.

But I feel really good about finding solid friend groups now. It will be a while before I choose a church, but I think that doesn’t matter.

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